January 2013-I have fantastic news followed by what I hope is nothing but a hiccup. Matt and I thought we were going to have to wait until next year to pursue IVF, but God has been watching out for us and we have been blessed with the means to start our cycle now!
When we had our consultation in December, our doctor explained the options that we had for trying to restore fertility to Matt. After considering his options for a long time, Matt decided that he did not want to go through with the testing and drug treatments and decided that instead, he wanted to go forward with IVF using Sean's sperm as the donor sperm.
I called the clinic yesterday to let them know what Matt had decided and to let them know that we would like to go ahead with IVF. I received a call back today from our doctors nurse at the clinic (who has been nothing but rude and judgmental both times I have interacted with her), that our doctor is not comfortable allowing us to proceed with our cycle and that if we would like to do so, we need to come in and meet with him again and obtain his approval. She also said that unanimous approval is needed from the other physicians in the practice (I think there are 3 others) and that Matt and I will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. That was the extent of my conversation with her this afternoon. No explanations, no nothing.
Earlier this morning, before I received the call from the rude nurse, I had contacted the clinic to request that we be assigned to work with another nurse since I didn't need the added stress of working with this beast while doing an IVF cycle. I spoke with the nurse manager who was very understanding and sympathetic. She told me she'd talk to the doctor about what he'd like us to do in terms of being assigned to someone else or working with another doctor entirely. She said she'd call me back later this afternoon.
When I got that phone call from the beastly nurse, I was heartbroken. I felt so judged and so betrayed by our doctor, who has known of these circumstances all along and knew that Matt and I considered using Sean's sperm as a serious option for us. There had never been any objections voiced until now so it came as quite a shock when we were told that he wouldn't agree to go through with our cycle.
I did receive a call back from the nurse manager who was able to explain to me that there had been confusion as to whether we wanted to use Sean's sperm as a backup vs. primary (our intention) and that our doctor wanted to meet with us again to go over all of the details at once and to make sure we're all on the same page. I am very willing to do this, but I am still not quite trusting of his support for our situation. The nurse manager was also able to explain that it is clinic policy for couples to undergo a psych eval when they use known-donor sperm, as opposed to using an anonymous donor. I understand why this is, but I don't think that the implications that are potentially implied in this situation are pertinent to my case. Nevertheless, I will do the evaluation if that's what it takes to get started with our cycle. I told the nurse manager that I will happily agree to both of these suggestions provided our case is assigned to another nurse. She understood completely and immediately gave me the direct line for two nurses who work part time to cover 1 full-time spot. One of the nurses had assisted on my previous IVF cycle so I'm sure I'll recognize her once we start up again, and I've never had anything but a pleasant experience with anyone else in the office, so as long as I know that the rude nurse if off my case, I'll be confident things will go smoothly.
So as it stands, I have scheduled an appointment for Matt and I to sit down with our doctor again to give all of us a chance to go over all of the details. This is happening next Tuesday afternoon, so I'll have more of an update after that appointment is over with. If, for whatever reason our doctor still is uncomfortable allowing us to do this procedure with their clinic, Matt and I will certainly look elsewhere. I know if I have to, and if I look far enough, I will find a clinic that is supportive of my family-building goals and that will do everything they can to help us achieve them. This is definitely not how I expected our cycle to start out and it's certainly not the note I wanted to start out with either, but this appointment will hopefully be enlightening for both sides involved.