Mommy's Gonna Snap: 2013

October 2, 2013

Sophie and Olivia Turn 3!

I asked the girls back in July what they wanted to do for their birthday party this year. They both agreed--they wanted a monster party! At that time, they were really into watching Monsters Inc, and when we took them to see Monsters University, that just sealed the deal. So, at the beginning of September, I got busy planning their monster party.

Things came together slowly, but surely, and I'm sure it was torture for the girls seeing all of their decorations and party things around the house but not being able to have fun with any of it yet. I kept reminding them, "these are for your birthday party, you can have them on your birthday" and that sort of became a mantra around here.

We had their party this past Sunday, on the 29th, which was their actual birthday. Their Aunt Stephanie had flown in from Florida the night before to be with us, so we waited on her! :) We had a blast and our little house was filled to the MAX with friends and family who came to celebrate our little monsters. We had treats and games and had coloring and monster-mask-making stations for the kids to enjoy. I think the grown-ups enjoyed watching all of the kids go at everything, and after it was all over we were all thoroughly worn out, which meant that it all went very well.

The girls enjoyed themselves and loved every minute of their long-awaited party, so it made all of the prep worth it. Let's see what they have in store for me next year!

September 20, 2013

Baby Girl Sewell Has a Name!

We have settled on a name for our baby girl! I wouldn't say that it has been a painstaking process, but it wasn't a piece of cake either. The most important aspect of choosing a name for this baby for me was to pick something that would mesh well with the girls' names. I couldn't have a Sophie and an Olivia and throw in an Ashley or Barbara or something like that. Nope. They had to go together and once we found some names that fit into the Antique Charm/Timeless category (yes, we used the Baby Name Wizard--thanks again, Emily Kriech!) all we had to do was narrow them down. There were some that I preferred, some that Matt preferred, and we even broke with our category and added a few extras to our list. But the one name that fit into our category that we both liked enough to call our child by it forever was.....

Audrey.

So, when we meet our little girl this February, we will name her Audrey James Martella Sewell.

Most of you know the story behind Sophie and Olivia's middle names, which are Michael and Sean, respectively. If you don't know the story, you can read about it in this post. In keeping with what I think is a wonderful tradition to honor my children's father(s), Audrey will get Matt's middle name as hers. Sophie and Olivia were given the surname Martella at birth, but when Matt adopted them, we changed their last name to his and moved Martella to a second middle name position. Since Audrey is Sophie and Olivia's full biological sibling, we've chosen to honor Sean in her name by giving her the second middle name of Martella as well.

Not everyone gets a full name that is packed full of meaning and I consider it a blessing to be able to give my girls names that will carry meaning for them all of their life.

Now that this joyous task is completed, I'm going to sit back and relax. Haha. Just kidding. The girls' 3rd birthday is coming up next weekend so I'm going to get ready for that...then on to Halloween and then my favorite time of year--Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Sweet Audrey, we're so excited to have you join our family soon! Maybe you'll be my blue-eyed child? A momma can dream, can't she? :)

Oh, and your big sissies say "hi baby!"

September 18, 2013

Baby GIRL Sewell

September 18, 2013-This morning I went in for an ultrasound at my OB's office. I'm 18 weeks along today which means I have roughly 5 months left before our baby is here. The ultrasound went fine and the baby looks great! We confirmed that we're having our third girl! She's measuring just a few days ahead of schedule, but that is welcome news for me since Sophie and Olivia were so small when they were born.

Matt and I were both hoping for a boy, but we both know that we are good at raising girls so this little one will fit right into our family, no problem. The girls are excited about having a baby sissy, and I don't think it will be as much as an adjustment for them as having a boy would have been, so I'm thankful for that too. Plus we have a plethora of girly things to get us started with this little one, and that's a huge benefit!

We have a few names picked out and on our list of frontrunners but we haven't decided anything at this point. I'm ready to pull the trigger but Matt wants to take our time...so we'll get there eventually. We'll be sure to announce our selection as soon as we get it nailed down! We don't even have any silly nicknames to call her...I guess we're lame like that.

I think that most of you knew I was pregnant before this point, but in case you didn't...surprise! Haha! My first trimester was...very first-trimester like. I had lots of fatigue, lots of nausea, lots of vomiting, and almost no comfort or peace for a good 3 months. Those horrible feelings are fading though, and I'm starting to feel very second-trimestery! I have my energy back, which is great since I'm getting into the thick of my busy season for work, and I'm able to keep up with the girls much better than before, and I know they appreciate that.

Being pregnant while chasing around toddlers has been a whole new experience for me, but I've had amazing help from my family and my wonderful husband so we've all made it through unscathed so far. 4 months down, 5 to go! Baby Girl Sewell, we'll see you soon!

Baby Sewell--Pregnant!

This post is one in a series of posts I had written previously about our endeavors to have a third baby. I hadn't posted anything until now, so forgive me for the information dump. We now know we are having our third baby girl, though we haven't settled on a name yet. More to come, that's for sure!

June 2013-Since my last post, we decided to go ahead with a frozen embryo transfer using the third and last embryo produced from my first IVF cycle with Sean. We had our required appointment with the psychiatrist and the conversation basically went like this:

"It's nice to meet you two. I don't really know why you're here."
"Us either."
"Okay well let me sign this off for you, and good luck with your cycle!"

Yep. I'm just glad to have had validation from at least ONE professional handling our case.

After we got started with the cycle (meaning I had begun meds to prep my body for the transfer) I learned from my saline sonogram that the uterine polyps I had had removed a mere 6 months prior had returned. This meant that I would need a small surgery to remove the polyps...so I did that. It went fine, but the emotional toll it took on me was strong. I just wanted to get going with this cycle and as if dealing with critical and judgmental doctors and staff hadn't been taxing enough, I was all of a sudden dealing with new (albeit, mild) fertility issues of my own that had never existed before. It was frustrating to say the least.

I continued on my IVF meds after the surgery was done and after a couple more checks, we got the go-ahead to start the next steps of the cycle. This involved taking more drugs. I learned that since my last IVF cycle, they had come up with a new way to deliver the progesterone that I would need so instead of sticking gigantic needles in my buttcheeks every day, I got to experience a much less painful delivery of the medication.

The meds made me crazy sick and hormonal, but at least they got me to implant day. On June 3rd Matt and I went in for our frozen embryo transfer. They gave me some lovely sedatives, thawed our little one, and completed the transfer. Matt had to leave out of town for business later that day...the whole time frame was so crazy, but when he got back that weekend he suggested I take a pregnancy test to see if anything was happening yet.

Sooo I did it again...I tested a whole week early. I couldn't help myself! The test was positive! Baby Sewell Due February 2014 (hopefully just one this time!)

Baby Sewell-Moving Forward

Little Baby Sewell, We're Ready for You!

February 2013-When our doctor came into his office to see us yesterday he immediately led with the fact that he recommended we use the frozen embryo we had in storage and wanted to know why we had decided not to use it. We let him know that we have a maximum on our fertility benefit with our insurance (again, we're so blessed to even have insurance covering this) and we were very nervous about the low (30%) chance of successfully conceiving using a frozen embryo versus the slightly higher (50%) chance of conceiving with a fresh cycle. He explained to us that for couples who have no infertility issues and who attempt to conceive at the exact right moment in a woman's cycle, the natural chances, best case scenario, for conception are only 15%. Using the frozen embryo provides a 30% chance of success, which is twice the rate that it is in nature. Those are actually really good odds for someone in my case who is young (25) and who has no fertility issues. While the fresh cycle does provide a 50% chance of success, the cost is more than double what it is for a frozen cycle. After considering all of this, Matt and I decided to proceed with the frozen embryo transplant. By doing this, we will still have enough left on our benefit for another attempt at a fresh cycle if this one doesn't take, and it's likely that we will produce excess embryos during that fresh cycle and will be able to attempt another frozen cycle if it comes down to it.

Our doctor did not explain why he had hesitated allowing us to proceed, but I think that he wanted to talk with us about the potential of using our frozen embryo. The frozen transfer is much less invasive, is much easier on my body, requires fewer medications and is less expensive. The drawback is that there is a lower chance of success with the cycle. Luckily, the office had not done anything with our frozen embryo yet (we signed the release papers a couple of weeks ago) since our doctor had asked them to hold off on processing it until our consultation. They confirmed that our embryo is safe and sound.

He did tell us that he has not spoken with all of his partners in the practice yet but that he did speak to his most conservative partner who told him that he has no reservations about allowing us to proceed with the frozen (or fresh) cycle. He let us know that it is policy for patients to undergo a psychiatric consult prior to starting a cycle using a third party transfer (this is still weird to me, but whatever). His nurse (one that I had previously worked with on my last cycle who is awesome! yay!) gave us the number for the psychiatrist that their office refers to and we have an appointment with her schedule for the end of March.

Essentially, we have begun our cycle! In about a week and a half I will begin one medication for the cycle and we'll be off! We plan to do our embryo transplant around May 15th! Our nurse said that as long as we are cleared by the psychiatrist before they thaw our embryo we are good to proceed. I have no doubt that we'll pass that with flying colors!

Little Baby Sewell, we're ready for you!

Baby Sewell-Making Our Case

This post is one in a series of posts I had written previously about our endeavors to have a third baby. I hadn't posted anything until now, so forgive me for the information dump. We now know we are having our third baby girl, though we haven't settled on a name yet. More to come, that's for sure!

February 2013-Like I give up anything I'm after without a fight.

Although no one has directly told me to give up my plans to continue to build my family, it was a serious emotional blow when I learned that my doctors office had reservations about allowing Matt and I to proceed with our cycle.

Laying wide awake in bed last night, I realized that if the clinic is worried about the legalities of the procedure then I might do well to familiarize myself with Utah's laws surrounding assisted reproductive technology (ART).

One of our many wonderful benefits through Matt's company is that we have access to legal services. I asked Matt to send me the information I'd need to contact someone who works in family law and this afternoon I spoke with a local lawyer. I told him that there wasn't anything in particular I was worried about, from a legal standpoint, but that I wanted to make sure that I understood what my rights are and what the law says about our specific situation. After explaining my story to him he said that it doesn't sound like we'll have any trouble, legally, going through with this, but he did ask me to come in and meet with him next week. He said that he wanted some time to do a little bit more research just to make sure that we won't have an issue and he wants to go over all of the details with me in person.

I'm scheduled to meet with him this coming Monday in the afternoon before our appointment with our doctor on Tuesday.

My concern is that there will be something hidden in the ART laws here that surround posthumous conception--that might be the ONLY place we have an issue. I called our cryobank and requested copies of all of the forms Sean and I have signed regarding his banked sperm and they will be sending that to me in time for my meeting with the lawyer. This way I have all of the documents in front of me that declare me as the legal owner of Sean's banked sperm.

I'm hopeful that the lawyer will have nothing but good news, and I'm hopeful that once I fully understand what the laws here say, that I can use that information to convince our doctor that what we want to do is well within our rights, that there is nothing unethical or immoral about our decision, and that all we want to do is take the next step in growing our family.

It's already so exhausting and I haven't even started with the needles yet!

Baby Sewell-Hopefully Just a Hiccup

When we had our consultation in December, our doctor explained the options that we had for trying to restore fertility to Matt. After considering his options for a long time, Matt decided that he did not want to go through with the testing and drug treatments and decided that instead, he wanted to go forward with IVF using Sean's sperm as the donor sperm.

I called the clinic yesterday to let them know what Matt had decided and to let them know that we would like to go ahead with IVF. I received a call back today from our doctors nurse at the clinic (who has been nothing but rude and judgmental both times I have interacted with her), that our doctor is not comfortable allowing us to proceed with our cycle and that if we would like to do so, we need to come in and meet with him again and obtain his approval. She also said that unanimous approval is needed from the other physicians in the practice (I think there are 3 others) and that Matt and I will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. That was the extent of my conversation with her this afternoon. No explanations, no nothing.

Earlier this morning, before I received the call from the rude nurse, I had contacted the clinic to request that we be assigned to work with another nurse since I didn't need the added stress of working with this beast while doing an IVF cycle. I spoke with the nurse manager who was very understanding and sympathetic. She told me she'd talk to the doctor about what he'd like us to do in terms of being assigned to someone else or working with another doctor entirely. She said she'd call me back later this afternoon.

When I got that phone call from the beastly nurse, I was heartbroken. I felt so judged and so betrayed by our doctor, who has known of these circumstances all along and knew that Matt and I considered using Sean's sperm as a serious option for us. There had never been any objections voiced until now so it came as quite a shock when we were told that he wouldn't agree to go through with our cycle.

I did receive a call back from the nurse manager who was able to explain to me that there had been confusion as to whether we wanted to use Sean's sperm as a backup vs. primary (our intention) and that our doctor wanted to meet with us again to go over all of the details at once and to make sure we're all on the same page. I am very willing to do this, but I am still not quite trusting of his support for our situation. The nurse manager was also able to explain that it is clinic policy for couples to undergo a psych eval when they use known-donor sperm, as opposed to using an anonymous donor. I understand why this is, but I don't think that the implications that are potentially implied in this situation are pertinent to my case. Nevertheless, I will do the evaluation if that's what it takes to get started with our cycle. I told the nurse manager that I will happily agree to both of these suggestions provided our case is assigned to another nurse. She understood completely and immediately gave me the direct line for two nurses who work part time to cover 1 full-time spot. One of the nurses had assisted on my previous IVF cycle so I'm sure I'll recognize her once we start up again, and I've never had anything but a pleasant experience with anyone else in the office, so as long as I know that the rude nurse if off my case, I'll be confident things will go smoothly.

So as it stands, I have scheduled an appointment for Matt and I to sit down with our doctor again to give all of us a chance to go over all of the details. This is happening next Tuesday afternoon, so I'll have more of an update after that appointment is over with. If, for whatever reason our doctor still is uncomfortable allowing us to do this procedure with their clinic, Matt and I will certainly look elsewhere. I know if I have to, and if I look far enough, I will find a clinic that is supportive of my family-building goals and that will do everything they can to help us achieve them. This is definitely not how I expected our cycle to start out and it's certainly not the note I wanted to start out with either, but this appointment will hopefully be enlightening for both sides involved.

Baby Sewell-Decisions, Decisions

01/01/2013-After meeting with Dr. Blauer in December, we've decided to hold off on trying to conceive at this point in time. During the appointment, Matt's medical history was reviewed (as was mine), and when Dr. Blauer gave his overall opinion of our situation, it wasn't what we had hoped for. Dr. Blauer told us about the male fertility treatments that would be most successful for us, however he stated that our chances of the treatments working are very low. He suggested that Matt have an MRI to confirm that his pituitary gland is functioning correctly, but said that he doesn't think there's really anything wrong there, and that we may need to consider other options.

Our other options are: conceiving via IVF using Sean's frozen semen as the "donor" semen, or conceiving via IVF using the frozen embryo that was cultivated during my first round of IVF.

After several weeks of consideration, Matt decided that he wants to go ahead with IVF, thus giving into the likelihood that he will never biologically father children. He didn't come to this decision lightly, and I trust his judgment on where he stands. He asserts that whatever children we have will be ours, no matter how they came to be in our family, and that he certainly doesn't love Sophie and Olivia any less because they aren't his biological children.

With that decision out of the way, we have a few more ahead of us. Even though we've chosen to do another round of IVF we need to consider several factors:

1. Do we proceed with a fresh cycle or do we attempt a frozen embryo cycle? The fresh cycle provides a greater chance of overall success (a pregnancy) than the frozen cycle, but costs about double.

2. I am experiencing a great deal of conflict within myself as to how exactly I feel about discarding my frozen embryo should we decide to do a fresh cycle IVF round. I'm very torn between my feelings that the frozen embryo is already a life, simply on hold, versus my feelings that other benefit might be gained for my family overall if we attempt a fresh cycle instead.

3. We need to decide whether to use the frozen embryo for an IVF cycle, whereby I would only implant one embryo, versus the possibility of implanting 2 embryos with a fresh IVF cycle.

4. We need to decide if implanting 2 embryo's is right for us, with the fresh IVF cycle, which would give me an increased chance of carrying twins for the second time in my life, or if implanting 1 embryo is work the risk of the embryo not taking.

5. We need to decide if the benefit of the greater odds of becoming pregnant by doing a fresh IVF cycle over the frozen cycle outweigh the financial costs that would be associated with the fresh cycle.

6. We need to decide what to do with the frozen embryo should we decide to discard it and attempt a fresh IVF cycle. When Sean and I signed the paperwork for our IVF cycle, we had indicated that we would like to donate the embryo for stem cell research, should we decide to discard it, as opposed to making it available as a donor embryo for another couple attempting IVF. I think Matt and I are still leaning toward this decision, if we make the decision to discard the frozen embryo.

Right now we have all of these things to consider. Our decision to hold off on our IVF attempt has stemmed from our financial situation. We have decided to postpone doing IVF until we are sure we can afford to pay for the cycle. Even though we have amazing insurance that will cover the cycle, we are still responsible for our deductibles and our out-of-pocket maximum along with our co-insurance and co-pays. With such an expensive treatment, and even with amazing insurance offsetting a great deal of the overall cost, the out of pocket contribution that would be required of us is still large and needs to have some financial planning to back it up.

So, for now, that's where we are. We have lots and lots to talk about, decide on, pray on, and think on, but in the meantime, we have taken the pressure off ourselves by allowing more time to save money to pay for the cycle. Unless something changes, and things always do, we'll just sit tight for now, and see where life leads us!

Little Baby Sewell, don't worry, we still can't wait to welcome you into our family, we just want you to come into our home at its best!

Baby Sewell-The Appointment Is Set!

Baby Sewell

This post is one in a series of posts I had written previously about our endeavors to have a third baby. I hadn't posted anything until now, so forgive me for the information dump. We now know we are having our third baby girl, though we haven't settled on a name yet. More to come, that's for sure!

10/24/12-Tonight was a game-changer for me...to say the least. Matt came home from work and in our normal homecoming discussions about our days and the kids and life in general, he casually, or not so much so, slipped in the fact that he is ready to have a baby. I'd say "another baby", but this would be the first he and I would have together, and his first biological child, so for now it's just "the baby".

Here's where we've been at up until this point. Fact: We have twin toddlers. That's a handful, on a good day. I love my girls, and so does Matt, but let's not kid ourselves that having two terrible-two's isn't challenging. He and I have discussed having more kids in the future, but "future" was all the time-frame I had needed up until now. The rigorous daily routine of diapers, meals, cleaning, picking up toys, grocery shopping, running a business and nannying forced the thought of trying to conceive again straight into the back of my mind--although it has been on my mind.

Many of you know that Matt is a testicular cancer survivor. Those of you who know our backstory know how we met and what extraordinary circumstances transpired in order to bring us together. It's amazing. Without invading his privacy too much, I'll say that since he's been done with chemotherapy, he has undergone several tests to confirm infertility, which is his current diagnosis. He's seen a specialist who believes that if his infertility is not due to chemotherapy, which is unlikely but worth a shot to determine, we have options for conceiving biological children together. If, however, like we suspect, his infertility is due to chemotherapy, we are both open to the option of conceiving a child using Sean's frozen sperm and another round of IVF for me.

We discussed for a bit tonight what our next step should be. We both think that we need to have a consultation with a fertility specialist, and even though Matt has one that he sees here in Boston, he feels that he wants to wait until after we have moved to Salt Lake to have the consolation. I suggested making an appointment with my fertility specialist who oversaw my IVF cycle, so I think that's where we're headed. Tomorrow, I will call and make an appointment with him for a consultation.

Making the decision to have children the first time seemed very natural to me. This time around, there is so much more to consider! I understood how my life would change by adding a baby (in my case, two) the first time, and I seem to have no earthly idea what I'm in for this time around. Good thing I'm excellent at adapting--a perk of being a mom to toddlers!

I'm glad that my life tends to be full. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I had down time! Being busy reminds me that my life is blessed, and that being busy isn't a hinderance, it's a gift. I'm looking forward to this next step in our life! I can't wait to be able to share this with all of you. Until then, I'll tuck this away in my trusty "drafts" folder. If this works out, you're all in for some crazy blog posts!

April 19, 2013

Bedtime

Ahh bedtime.

In Parent Land, declaring bedtime is equal to crying “time-out” during a recess game of tag…except after we’re done breathing heavily, resting hunched over with our hands on our knees, and after brushing ourselves off from the serious beating we just took, we’d never dream of yelling “time-in!”. Our cry for bedtime comes just before we’ve reached our breaking point, right at that moment that we’ve stared deep into the eyes of defeat, which always seems to be approaching at an Olympic pace, running head on toward us, in my case in the form of two twinkle-toed bobbling bouncy toddlers.

“BEDTIME!”

We ring out that cry and throw our arms up to protect our face hoping we aren’t tagged by whatever the night will bring: I just pooped! I need a tissue! water! blanket! monkey! Mommy! Mommy! MOM-MEEEEEEEE!!!

We usually have an 8 o’clock bedtime around these parts. That means that at around 7:45, we drag our either A) limp-bodied dead-weighted or B) super squirmy probably-snuck-some-caffeine-from-somewhere children (some nights it’s one of each…yay twins!) up the stairs to start our routine. I’m big on routine.

We start by picking up whatever toys have been left out from earlier in the day. We essentially throw them in the closet, quickly close the door before anything has a chance to fall out, then we lock the door to keep the kiddos out. *Note: when I say “we”…I mean me and/or Matt. Not “we” as in the girls and I. They’re no help even though they sing, “clean up! Clean up! Everybody, everywhere!” as they pull books off the shelves, throw their pillows on the floor and un-tuck all of their bedding.

Next comes the (hopefully) final diaper change of the day, x2 mind you, and jammies. Sophie prefers her monkey jammies. She has several pairs of jammies that have a monkey and/or monkeys on them and she screams for her monkey jammies and I’m supposed to know, not guess just already know, which pair she is clamoring for.

Olivia, my sweet, type-B-personality, passive child is pretty much good with any jammie selection as long as she is confident her silver sparkly shoes have been tucked away safely for the night. *Rolls eyes*

Whatever.

After jammies, we rush off into the bathroom to brush teeth! Sophie makes a mad-dash for the drawer where the toothbrushes live and will only pass them off to me, never ever to her sissy.

The girls each have a spot on the counter where they sit and once they’re settled on their perch, I allow them to brush for themselves for 1 minute (time is arbitrary in Parent Land. Sometimes this minute ranges between 30 seconds and 5 minutes. Some things are just so darn distracting to a two year old!).

After their 1 minute has passed, I take over and conquer the plaque pasted inside these little mouths despite facing menacing challenges like obstructive tongues, old-rotting-sugar breath and screaming, shaking toddler heads.

Once the torture is over, a quick spit, a drink of water, and a face-wipe on the towel follow and then it’s off to select the evening’s bedtime stories. Plural.

The girls are allowed to pick one story each. Seems fair. They usually bellyache about wanting another one after the last one has been finished, but I usually win that fight. The three of us sit on Sophie’s bed while we read our stories. There’s no real reason for this except that Sophie’s bed doesn’t have a side-rail for whatever reason (we’re terrible parents) and it’s easier access than climbing over the fences that surround Olivia’s. Matt usually gets confined to the rocking chair.

After stories, it’s lights out. We mean this so literally in fact, that in recent days, Matt and I have taken to cutting the power to the girls’ bedroom. Does this sound crazy? Live it before you judge, people. Back before we jailed our children, we’d provide sips of water to those magically parched mouths, tuck them in sweetly, say our goodnights, turn out the lights, and close the door. From all of the commotion that would immediately ensue and with all of the glorious beams of light shooting out from under the door one might imagine God was having a Throwback Thursday rendition of the Creation in there. Really what was happening, of course, was that Sophie would jump out of bed, flip on the light and race for the bookcase as if all of the books that had been resting there peacefully for the night were the last things she’d ever play with.

Nope.

Breaker = Flipped.

“My lights!”

“Go to sleep!”

“You took my lights!”

“Yep. Goodnight!”

Since it has been chilly (aka snowing) overnight this week, I have been sneaking into their room after they’ve truly fallen asleep to flip the breaker back to restore power to their space heater.

And that’s how I sleep at night.

Until 11:30 pm hits and Olivia screams for water like clockwork.

She must have recurring dreams about suffering from heat exhaustion in a sandy desert somewhere. Clock. Work.

And again at 1:30 am.

And 3.

And if we’re lucky 5…because the sun is starting to peak out by 6 and if she wakes up and her room is lit, she thinks it’s okay to wake up. I say we’re lucky if her last awakening is at 5 because then she tends to sleep until about 7:30 or 8. If we’re not lucky…we’re all up early. I hate early.

It’s such a good thing they’re so cute. They actually do make the battle (read: war) worth it.